Wrestling

I'm tired. My life lately feels like one big wrestling match. I hate it when that happens! I've really been struggling with a few things. It all starts out gently enough. God speaks... first in the quietest of whispers. "Did I really hear that at all?" Then he nudges me, just a little. As a seasoned mom and wife I'm good at tuning out when I want to. My kids and hubby are experts and they've trained me well! I've found out the hard way that God doesn't like to be ignored. Who does? So, he turns up the volume a little. Covering my ears like a two year old I begin to yell, "I still can't hear you!" What were once little pokes have graduated to pushes now, knocking me off balance. Till once again I find myself in the thick of it, wrestling with Him. I'll be honest- I'll resort to any diversionary tactic sometimes. See I'm comfortable and happy where I'm at. Not sure at all I want to go where he's leading me.

The specifics of this battle aren't important. Suffice it to say that here I am again, kicking and screaming. Wonder if I'll ever learn. He's starting to get the better of me, I'll admit reluctantly. He'll actually drag me if He needs to. He's done it before. I wonder when I'll give in to His will. One thing I'm sure of, He's not going to let up until I say "Uncle!". I don't know where I'd be if He wasn't so gosh darn persistent!

Okay, I take that back. I know exactly where I would be... stuck. Stuck in patterns that where once "good enough" but just don't work any more. Stuck in the rut of living for myself and others instead of for Him. I'm so glad he gave me a mustard seed worth of faith, but sometimes it's still hard to actually put this faith into practice. It seems so much easier to wrap it in a pretty box, tie it with a bow, and stick it up to be admired. Do I really have to DO something with it? Something that may be uncomfortable, scary, or even a bit sacrificial? This whole process of sanctification can really be a bit messy, and well... tiring.





Additional thoughts on wrestling...

"Faith is not getting man's will done on heaven. It is getting God's will done on earth." -Adrian Rogers

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2(NIV)