Now Hiring: Parents

A friend shared the below with me, enjoy!

Position(s) Available:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

Job Description:
Long term team players needed for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings, weekends, and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities:
A lifelong commitment. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from 0-60mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not just someone crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets, and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars, and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Other responsibilities include floor maintenance and general janitorial work throughout the facility.

Possibility for promotion or advancement:
None! Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

Previous Experience:
None required, unfortunately!
On-the-job training offered on a continually, exhaustive basis.

Wages and Compensation:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonus. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse salary scheme is that you'll actually enjoy it and wish you could give more!

Benefits:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays, and no stock options are offered this job does supply limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life. If you play your cards right.

Important Disclosure:
There is NO RETIREMENT, EVER!!!



What an exciting career opportunity... ummm.. calling. Thank you God for accepting my application.